Love and Lust in the World of the Schmoe

No matter how many times I see comments like ‘marry me’ on youtube videos or pics of muscular women, it always makes me laugh and cringe in equal measure. You would hope that such comments are made for dramatic effect or with tongue firmly in cheek, but I suspect that this is not the case. While it is by no means all, a lot of schmoes appear to have a worrying amount of difficulty telling the difference between fantasy and reality, between love and lust. As someone who identifies with the schmoe label myself, to see the level of delusion at play among some schmoes is intriguing. At the most basic level it shows a jaw dropping (although amusing) lack of understanding of the complexities of human relationships.

As stated earlier, I have a genuine respect for muscle women as athletes. I am aware of and admire, the huge sacrifices these women make and the dedication to their sport. However, when I sit down to ‘enjoy’ female muscle websites, I don’t do so to understand more about their sport or what makes them tick. It is a functional pursuit aimed at satisfying a sexual urge. With all due respect to muscle women out there, I think that will hardly come as a revelation. We’re not saying we don’t respect you, we’re not saying we don’t admire you, we’re just being honest that you make us horny as hell and we get off while looking at your photos. For some of us, it’s the only sexual release we get and speaking as someone who has been an atheist for over 20 years, priesthood isn’t an option so I need something to stimulate me.

That is why I’m genuinely a little concerned by the ‘marry me’ brigade. (They don’t even ask , will you marry me, it is more an instruction than a question as if it is an automatic assumption that their fantasy of choice is going to willingly drop everything and commit to living with a random internet guy who for all they know, may be an axe murderer, have extreme ‘mommy issues, have a microscopic penis and/or a superfluous third nipple) They do not appear to understand the basic difference between love and lust, fantasy and reality, between the fulfilment of a masturbatory fantasy and a life long commitment to share your life with another human being.

Female bodybuilders and other muscle women turn me on like crazy. I lust after these women, much more than I lust after any other type of woman or physique. Marriage however is not just something that horny people do so they can fuck each other more often. It is or at least it should be a commitment to share your life, your heart and your soul with someone who accepts you warts and all (and vice versa). Just say for arguments’ sake I do hit the jackpot and end up in a relationship with a female bodybuilder. (Hey, don’t laugh, I’m sure there are plenty of muscle women out there who have fetishes for vertically challenged men with man boobs who look like the lovechild of a hipster and a political prisoner) When I commit to dating (not to mind marrying) a bodybuilder, I am not just committing to the individual, I am committing to their world, to their unorthodox lifestyle. I am committing to being there for them through their intense dieting and everything that goes along with it, the vulnerability, the self-doubt, the mood swings. Yes fbbs look insanely sexy during competition prep, but that is just one aspect. A woman in that intense training regime needs a man who can understand this lifestyle. Not all fbbs require their men to live the lifestyle, some actually prefer them not to, but even living around this lifestyle requires a deep level of empathy that not all men can achieve. As much as some schmoes may like to think otherwise, you wanting to be her slave and bitch is not enough to make a muscle woman make a long term commitment to you. I mean seriously, she’s carb depleted, she’s tired, she’s drained, do you really think she’ll have nothing else on her mind other than having sex with you? Oh please. Some women in that state, just want you to listen. They want you to leave them rant about their day and their frustration. They want a man who will genuinely love and respect, who will reassure them and be there for them. Other women just want you to leave them the fuck alone. That’s all right too, but you have to be man enough to accept that their world does not revolve around you. Nor, does it revolve completely around bodybuilding, they have outside interests and lives too you know. They have values, hopes dreams, aspirations and if you really expect them to marry you, you are buying into all of this too, not just the awesome body you masturbate to online. This is where it gets complicated. Just supposing again I am in a relationship with an fbb. Then I find out that her value systems are totally incompatible with mine? What happens then? I’ll tell you what happens, I’m out the door. As a far left atheist, I could never maintain a relationship with a conservative Christian, no matter how sexy her muscles were, or even how nice she was otherwise. When values clash, long term relationships cease to be maintainable. Maybe some schmoes have no stringent value system. Fair enough, but maybe the muscle beauty you expect to marry you does have one. Then you’re toast. You have to step up to the plate and be the type of man she needs or she’s not going to commit.

There is nothing wrong with your fantasies, but marriage, or even a long term relationship is a deeply complex dance, involving the coming together of two bodies, minds, hearts and souls. Don’t expect your wet dreams to come true just because you want them to. It is not fair to the woman you expect to commit to you, and it’s not fair on you. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not painting myself as an expert here or some kind of saint who doesn't give into his urges, I'm just aware that human relationships are complicated and need more to survive than a foundation of subservience and lust.